Author Topic: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)  (Read 874 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline b1rdland

  • Arena Rocker
  • *****
  • Posts: 737
  • Good Vibes 49
Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« on: September 05, 2020, 08:48:14 pm »
Another effort, slightly rushed if I'm honest as the house is empty this evening and I can do a vocal!!!...so I did ;D I think it needs a tweak here and there and a bit of work on the mix/EQ etc. As per, I've only listened through headphones as I'm too lazy to set up the monitors  ::) Anyhow you'll hopefully get the general idea from the current version. Feedback required as always please. (oh I still have the voice issue, so there's a few wobbles)

https://soundcloud.com/steve-cardus/beetle-on-my-back

I’m sitting in a room thinking
About the apple of my eye
How someone so beautiful
Turns to dust

I'm searching through your files
Listening to fragments of sound
My only chance to hear your voice
Make believe you're still around

I’m like a beetle on my back lately
I’m pretty helpless sometimes
Struggling to get back up on my feet
and I’m still asking, why?
 
With letters tall and strong
I walk where you tagged your name
Your art inked beneath my skin
Together we remain

I’m like a beetle on my back lately
I’m pretty helpless sometimes
Struggling to get back up on my feet
and I’m still asking, why?

I’m like a beetle on my back lately ......
My music https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/monochromeguitars/angel-heart-2
https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/monochromeguitars/illuminate-2
Gibson es335 - Fender Telecaster Professional
Taylor GS Mini-e
The Big Trees > Orange PPC112

Offline Alex6strings

  • Arena Rocker
  • *****
  • Posts: 885
  • Good Vibes 48
  • Without the guitar, life would Bb
    • Instagram
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2020, 09:11:29 pm »
Too cool Steve, really cool, this one is up there for me.  Beetle and The Beatles, this song has it all.   I don't know if it's intentional but I got a big Beatles vibe from this tune which is very clever if it was intentional.  Even if it wasn't, still very clever.   Also the lyrics to this song I really dig and are also really well put together imo.  I'm like a beetle on my back lately is a great line! says so much.   
.
This really is a good song imo and it feels old but fresh if you know what i mean.   Great stuff mate, listening to your work is inspiring.  cheers
"Hand me a guitar and I'll play the blues, it's the place i automatically go"  EC

Offline LBro

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 3508
  • Good Vibes 115
  • Well I am working on it.
    • YouTube offerings
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2020, 10:14:50 pm »
Hi Bird,
Seems to have a dose of your trademark sound. Whatever that might be, it is there. Liked when the guitar(s) came in, a good sound there. I think the drums could have been more involved and motivating. But they work, even if a bit weak. I guess more fills there would be good per my ears. Nice effects, mix and treatments! Good play, nice original!

Keep rockin,
LB
You can rock a bit here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNOrtongjfX4RI33JWKwn7Q/featured

"I just experiment in guitar and music, at times something good comes of it..."
LB

Offline brianlarsen

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 1006
  • Good Vibes 91
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2020, 11:03:06 pm »
Oh yeah, pretend you just chuck'em out, whilst the rest of us toil with sweat  ::)
Top notch again

Hard to hear the word 'beetle' & apple and not to think fab... esp. when you live on Merseyside.
Agree with Alex that I heard nods in that direction, although hard to know how much is down to suggestion.

Sometimes I enjoy to let my mind wander and imagine different interpretations.
In this case I was transported back to my teenage years, reading Kafka's Metamorphosis and The Penal Colony. In the former, Gregor Samsa wakes up one morning to find he has mutated into a beetle overnight; in the latter an intricate torture machine inks the crimes committed so intricately into the prisoners' skins, they all die... Crackin' stories.
Contrary to what Freud might think, I'm feeling quite chipper  ;)
 

Offline adi_mrok

  • Pub Night Playa
  • ***
  • Posts: 158
  • Good Vibes 13
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2020, 11:35:15 pm »
This is really nice, again amazed with your work and how you are able to  make your music so full of emotions on many different levels and dimensions. Already can't wait for another one.

Sent from my SM-G973F using JustinGuitar Community mobile app


Online DavidP

  • All Time Legend
  • *******
  • Posts: 5684
  • Good Vibes 323
  • You're always learning about guitars-Keef Richards
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2020, 06:04:18 am »
Steve, you are a well from which pours the most delicious music.

This is another that I'd say is more signature than exploratory. That's not a criticism just a comment, since your signature is a quite wonderful thing. The tones, the arrangement, the vocal, the mix ... just top-drawer.

On this I especially liked the way you lifted and lowered, brought in and dropped out the various guitar tracks. The mellow drums and bass holding the stage for the guitars to play on. Also the way you mixed the lead, which I am hearing left side with an echo right side.

I lose track, sense you may well be getting close to enough songs for the next album.

Offline pkboo3

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 1046
  • Good Vibes 59
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2020, 02:47:31 pm »
Good one, Steve. The lyrics seem symbolic of not being able to get back on your feet after a tragic loss. I liked the solo. All around, it was a good production to my ears.


Sent from my iPhone using JustinGuitar.com Forum

Offline batwoman

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 2307
  • Good Vibes 146
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #7 on: September 07, 2020, 01:00:28 am »
A poem, a song, a piece about haunting loss. Compelling and convincing.

Your music is remarkable Steve. You are remarkable.  There's not many who can draw me in as you do, compel me to listen with every bit of me, insist I stay the journey the whole way through, then loop me into another listen, and another.

This song has completely stopped me in my tracks.  Your cleverness, your talent, your skill and the magnificence of it all ... this recording goes beyond all that.

I wonder is this about your son?

Your music makes me glad to be alive, sharing the painful, glorious human-ness mess. A beetle on it's back indeed.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2020, 04:07:13 am by batwoman »

Offline CT

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 2310
  • Good Vibes 119
    • YouTube
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2020, 01:35:29 am »
Really dug the ebbs and flows of this track. The juxtaposition of tonal textures is palpable. I even dug the sound that came off as a 60 cycle hum on first blush, and then turned into mild tinnitus in spots to my ears (in the very best way possible), and then settled into sweet synth tones. Really nice layers to dig. Your stuff is always so fresh and listenable even on the first play through. This one shines bright like a lot of your other tracks. 

Offline sairfingers

  • Arena Rocker
  • *****
  • Posts: 856
  • Good Vibes 50
  • 󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿The guitar is the coolest instrument in the world
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2020, 01:03:49 pm »
Another great original Steve. All the production technicalities are beyond me, I can only say I really enjoyed the whole package.
BC (classic) completed, now on Intermediate Course, Folk Fingerstyle and Blues modules. Pickin’, lickin’ and improvisin’.....😎
Martin D28 : Gibson SG : Boss Katana 50.

Offline b1rdland

  • Arena Rocker
  • *****
  • Posts: 737
  • Good Vibes 49
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #10 on: September 07, 2020, 05:29:31 pm »
@ Alex6strings @brianlarson - hey thanks men, appreciate the positives for this tune.  Now the Beatles thing. It wasn’t intentional, however I am (without fail) forced, by my youngest daughter, to listen to The Beatles in the car. Today Sonic Youth off, Beatles on, twice on the school runs.!! I don’t really mind, she seems to have good taste musically, so I will encourage.  So I’m thinking all of that Beatlenoise going into the cranium probably has emerged in some ways on this tune, which ain’t a bad thing.

Brian, Metamorphosis is the only Kafka I have read (I’m thinking that book must about 100 years old now) a bloody good read it was too. Them were the days when I could concentrate for long enough to read a decent book ::)

@LB Cheers dude, and thanks for the feedback on drums, I have enhanced them a little bit in the version I’m working on at the mo, more subtleties than any major change though Bro.

@adi_mrok Thank you Adi, I’m glad the emotion came through, it is a heartfelt lyric and an attempt to match that with the music.

@DavidP - as always, thank you! I do have 10 or 11 tunes for album 3 yeah. They’re in a playlist on SoundCloud at the moment “Birdland”. I’m really going to try to get the mix and mastering up a notch on this one. I’ve found a guy on YouTube who has some great Logic Pro mastering lessons, so I’ll use him to try and get the basics done properly, it seems pretty straightforward....NAAART!

@pkboo3 Thank you! Yes the lyrics are as you describe, I’m not always like a beetle on its back, it comes and goes. I’m usually a happy chappie.

@batwoman Maggie thanks for your wonderful feedback.  Yes it’s a song about missing my son. That makes about 8 now  ::) oh well it’s my therapy  ;D ;D A poem? I guess it could be, I last tried to write a poem in about 1976, Mr Butterworth, the English teacher, used to get us to read out our work to the class...painful! I wrote the lyrics from a song by Yes once and passed it off as my own, he said it was OK but didn’t make much sense  ;D haha I think that pretty much sums up Jon Anderson’s lyrics.

@CT haha cheers Clint, glad I’m giving your ears a good work-out.

@sairfingers Thank you for giving it a listen Gordon, I’m really glad you enjoyed it.
My music https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/monochromeguitars/angel-heart-2
https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/monochromeguitars/illuminate-2
Gibson es335 - Fender Telecaster Professional
Taylor GS Mini-e
The Big Trees > Orange PPC112

Offline Alex6strings

  • Arena Rocker
  • *****
  • Posts: 885
  • Good Vibes 48
  • Without the guitar, life would Bb
    • Instagram
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2020, 04:40:29 am »
@ Alex6strings @brianlarson - hey thanks men, appreciate the positives for this tune.  Now the Beatles thing. It wasn’t intentional, however I am (without fail) forced, by my youngest daughter, to listen to The Beatles in the car. Today Sonic Youth off, Beatles on, twice on the school runs.!! I don’t really mind, she seems to have good taste musically, so I will encourage.

She's a good girl influencing dad musically.   8)
"Hand me a guitar and I'll play the blues, it's the place i automatically go"  EC

Online J.W.C.

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 1046
  • Good Vibes 61
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2020, 05:05:16 am »
This is a very solid song with excellent structure, variation, and movement from section to section. Well done!

Offline Cagn on Rocks

  • Concert Hall Hasbeen
  • ****
  • Posts: 316
  • Good Vibes 41
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #13 on: September 08, 2020, 11:17:00 am »
Well this was a a big slap on my face. Awesome song. Knowing a bit your story, I knew directly what this song was about. The lyrics are really moving.
It has your unique vibe, and great sound. I love it. An interesting point in the song, is that it has quite a dark atmosphere, which suits the song very well of course. The rhythm guitar seems to go to another direction, more positive (at 0min30 for exemple), but it is really short, and then take you back to your reality : a beetle on your back. This would be not working for lots of songs, but here I think it works.  It's like you expect something, but it's not coming. I think this translate very well your emotions about this story, and that is a great thing to be able to do this.

Keep them coming', you seem to be in a good inspiration mood lately.

Offline TonyP

  • Pub Night Playa
  • ***
  • Posts: 174
  • Good Vibes 6
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #14 on: September 08, 2020, 05:17:13 pm »
You've hit the mark again Steve. Fab song. Your guitar as a very distinctive sound & you have created something truly your own. As usual, I'm impressed by your work. Really cool.

Quote
I’m like a beetle on my back lately ......

Mind you, when I first heard the title, I thought of a beetle crawling on your back!!! Took me another chorus to work out the poor little beggar was upside down with his legs in the air!!! :) Doh!!! :D

Anyway, don't stop the production line. :)

Cheers

Tony :)
Guitar: Yamaha Pacifica 112J
Amp: Blackstar ID:Core 10 V2
Piano: Roland EPVII 6 Octave Digital

Offline CT

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 2310
  • Good Vibes 119
    • YouTube
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #15 on: September 09, 2020, 07:46:01 pm »
Hey now:

Offline TonyP

  • Pub Night Playa
  • ***
  • Posts: 174
  • Good Vibes 6
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #16 on: September 09, 2020, 09:27:13 pm »
That'll do! Good pickup CT, great pic. :)


Guitar: Yamaha Pacifica 112J
Amp: Blackstar ID:Core 10 V2
Piano: Roland EPVII 6 Octave Digital

Offline oldhead49

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 1390
  • Good Vibes 148
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #17 on: September 10, 2020, 03:17:57 am »
To say you are a prolific songwriter would probably be an understatement.  This one has that "unique" quality and sound about it that makes me a fan.   I really liked this a lot.

Offline b1rdland

  • Arena Rocker
  • *****
  • Posts: 737
  • Good Vibes 49
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #18 on: September 10, 2020, 05:24:26 pm »
@J.W.C and @Cagn on Rocks - Thank you guys for your kind words, it's great when you put your heart on your sleeve in a song and it turns out OK, I really do appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you think  ;D

I thought of a beetle crawling on your back!!! Took me another chorus to work out the poor little beggar was upside down with his legs in the air!!! :) Doh!!! :D

Tony :)

Haha Tony, I never thought of the line like that, that's a whole different song though Haha! The monkey on my back would probably crush the beetle though and that would make for a pretty short lyric. Thank you for the great FB!!

Hey now:


Clint LMAO man! ;D ;D

To say you are a prolific songwriter would probably be an understatement.  This one has that "unique" quality and sound about it that makes me a fan.   I really liked this a lot.

Cheers OH! When they come you gotta grab them or they'll be gone forever.
My music https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/monochromeguitars/angel-heart-2
https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/monochromeguitars/illuminate-2
Gibson es335 - Fender Telecaster Professional
Taylor GS Mini-e
The Big Trees > Orange PPC112

Offline close2u

  • Administrator
  • All Time Legend
  • *****
  • Posts: 12873
  • Good Vibes 562
  • Teesside, North East England.
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #19 on: September 16, 2020, 09:15:31 am »
Steve - I listened some time ago - several play throughs as I so often do with your originals - but somehow didn't comment.
Now, a couple of weeks later, pretty much everything I would have said has been said.
Magnifique in a bleary-walking-in-a-foggy-scrubland kind of way. The imagery is great and the textures and tones are pure B1rdland. Godd stuff. :)

Offline redrhodie

  • Stadium Superstar
  • ******
  • Posts: 1785
  • Good Vibes 89
Re: Beetle On My Back (Original Song)
« Reply #20 on: September 18, 2020, 07:23:42 pm »
Beautiful and poignant.

Sent from my moto g power using Tapatalk


 

Get The Forum As A Mobile App