Author Topic: rewritten lyrics, but how to rewrite musically?  (Read 953 times)

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Offline ricktee76

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rewritten lyrics, but how to rewrite musically?
« on: November 02, 2014, 08:37:21 pm »
I've written my own lyrics to fit in with one direction's You and I. I just liked the flow and simplicity of the original song and thought I would use it to help me to learn how to write lyrics, its been a really enjoyable process and I thought I'd share the results and get some feedback.

If you sing/read the lyric over the original song it all fits in quite nicely and hopefully paints the picture well.
I should add that this is my first real attempt at writing lyrics so I was a little unsure whether I'd be on track making it all work together. Its more of an exercise in writing than anything but I'd love some feedback (good or bad) on what the community thinks (even if you don't like the song itself)

[verse 1]
i hold you close,
and all i have is yours to keep.
you are my life,
i sit for hours and watch you sleep.
I think of my past,
I think of my past and where i've been.
a new begining
New feelings inside have woken up?
Could I ever love so much?

[chorus]
Newborn eyes,
Life will never be the same.
No compromise, my life has changed.
I look at the world through newborn eyes,
Never felt such strength of love, never thought I'd care so much.
I look at the world through, newborn eyes.

oh newborn eyes

[verse 2]
I look at you face.
I think about all that you could be.
But nobody knows,
The futures unknown, a mystery.
We'll roll with the times,
Learning together as we go,
My life becomes yours
I'll protect you and watch you grow.

[chorus]
Newborn eyes,
Life will never be the same.
No compromise, my life has changed.
I look at the world through newborn eyes,
Never felt such strength of love, never thought I'd care so much.
I look at the world through, newborn eyes.


[verse 3]
There will come a time
When you have to stand on your own feet,
If ever you fall, I will be there wash your feet (lmfao)  // total mental block at this point
Maybe someday, you will have children when your grown.
And you'll hear my song and maybe you'll take it as your own.

[chorus]
Newborn eyes,
Life will never be the same.
No compromise, my life has changed.
We look at the world through newborn eyes,
Never felt such strength of love, never thought I'd care so much.
We look at the world through, newborn eyes.

What would be the best way to rework the song so it doesnt sound like the original but keeps a similar flow lyrically?

Thanks for looking :)

Offline SimonWoodward

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Re: rewritten lyrics, but how to rewrite musically?
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2014, 10:35:50 pm »
Well, congrats on the birth of your newborn  :)

I like the simplicity of your song, and I can see the sentiments; I've not tried to sing it over the song you wrote it for, though.

One bit of feedback, though, is that it took me until a long way in before I picked up it was a father-to-baby song; until then I thought it was just an OTT (read "every step you take") love song!  You could fix by just putting in a little reference to babyness early on - "blanket-wrapped", something similar.


Offline TB-AV

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Re: rewritten lyrics, but how to rewrite musically?
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2014, 02:51:01 am »
The thing that separates one song from the next is melody. That's why the same chord changes work for so many songs. Same chords, same order, different song.... it's the melody.

If you have tied your new lyrics to that melody, which you must have if they fit another song, it will be very difficult to make a new song. You could transpose it or make a more complex rendition but it will still be the same song.

However, what you have done is a good exercise of fitting words to a specific pattern and that is part of song writing. What you would have to do now is write a new melody and fit those words to it. Possibly new chords too but in theory you could keep the same chords. Most likely you would alter them as well though.

But there is really no such thing as two songs with the same melody.

    My country, 'tis of thee,
    Sweet land of liberty,
    Of thee I sing;
    Land where my fathers died,
    Land of the pilgrims' pride,
    From ev'ry mountainside
    Let freedom ring!

God save our gracious queen!
Long live our noble queen!
God save the queen!

Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us,
God save the queen!

Same song.
Gone

 

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