Author Topic: Lyrics to a song called Jilted Bigfoot :)  (Read 949 times)

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cactuscasserole

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Lyrics to a song called Jilted Bigfoot :)
« on: March 09, 2011, 06:34:46 am »
Please tell me what you think:

I met a girl so fine
wallowing smothered in slime
covered in lovely hair
with a brutish unintelligent stare.

She really is unique
she isn’t able to speak
uttering bestial growls
sounding like an elephant’s moving bowels…

She was such a blast
but now that’s in the past
I finally got a grip
and ended the relationship


I didn’t know what she was
til we’d been dating for months
I thought she was so sweet
and she had humongous beautiful feet.

She had a stench so strong
I just couldn’t stand it for long
But I knew what to do
So I took her to pick out some perfume…

We went to the store
we’d never been before
our clerk was Mr. Smith
he saw my girlfriend and he quit!


Back then when she loved me
our lives were happy and free
camped out beneath the stars
undisturbed by people airplanes or cars.

I don’t know where she sleeps
out in the bushes and trees
As for her favorite food:
I thought it was some kind of rabbit stew,

Never did I guess
that she ate human flesh
‘til I caught a whiff
of her eating Mr. Smith!




Learning this terrible news
left me completely confused
I should have dumped her then
when I learned that she loved feasting on men.

I thought I should persevere
I thought I had nothing to fear
she’s part of the human race
that’s why she would not devour my face…

One night I watched a tape
the Patterson Gimlin ape
I couldn’t stand to watch
my girlfriend was the same sasquatch!


How could I be so blind?
I must have been out of my mind
she was no human being
she’s a bigfoot psycho swamp monster thing.

Realizing my mistake
I knew that I had to escape
“If I don’t dump this troll
she’s gonna eat me, and she’ll slaughter my soul?”…

I knew just what to do
get away call the zoo
with luck I got away
but not before she ate my leg!


Grimacing with the pain
I made my escape in the rain
holding my bleeding stump
getting closer to the town with each jump.

I flagged down a passing truck
I couldn’t believe my good luck
as soon as the bleeding stopped
I called the zoo they dispatched ten rent-a-cops…

But she ate all ten
I won’t do that again
My new girl is the best
I met her diving AT LOCH NESS!!

Offline irishalkies

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Re: Lyrics to a song called Jilted Bigfoot :)
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2011, 11:28:06 pm »
It's a very entertaining read but, it comes across as more of a poem than the lyrics to a song.  :-\

Offline rainwoman

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Re: Lyrics to a song called Jilted Bigfoot :)
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2011, 12:13:17 am »
A bit long but funny. I can even imagine some melody to it, something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46EXY4oP1Do&feature=related for coarse singing in the pub ;)
"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well." A. de Saint-Exupéry

 

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